"In that case everyone should stick to tropical beaches, real cheese, a great hamburger bun or English muffin (you know the ONLY brand acceptable), grinding your own beef for hamburger meat, and to at least one eight-ounce burger a week....

If you want to slap on avocado and chipotle mayonnaise, Montpelier butter, fresh horseradish cream sauce, mushroom hash with garlic mayonnaise or just poached garlic cloves and basil mayonnaise, then the calories and fat content will be far more than a plate of cheeseburger fries. But you will live better longer."

I love you, Jeremiah Tower.